There was a section from the Daily Star about a woman who only found out about her husband’s
unusual sexual habits after he died from a heart attack.
She wrote in a letter: “I found receipts, bills and mobile phones in his ‘office’ at our house. I
discovered explicit emails and texts from strangers. And, most importantly, I found keys to a secret
flat two miles away. … There was a massive wrought-iron bed with handcuffs and chains attached
and menacing hooks on the walls and ceiling.”
The incident sounds extremely unique – but it may not really be. Everyone must have heard about
the underground culture of sadomasochism and know that there is multitude of people who take
part in it. Where do we think this people go home to?
Not all of them could be living in some secluded dark, metallic basement, as many of us may
assume. Out of their chains and leather clothes, they must lead pretty regular lives too. The
woman’s tragedy was that she didn’t realize she was living with a sadomasochist until it was too
late for him to explain.
I urge that we look into the case further. The dead husband had a secret – perhaps like most of us.
Do we condemn him for lying or do we do it because he was a sexual deviant?
I’m not saying sadomasochism should be out in the open. What I’m saying is that couples need to be
honest with each other about their preferred sexual lifestyle. If one partner is into a certain fetish
that the other doesn’t subscribe to, and if they couldn’t reconcile that, then they’re better off ending
the relationship. But if they can live with each other’s kinks, then good; if they can even enjoy it, all
the better.
I am reminded of a couple I once saw on an American talk show. The guests were a couple: she’s
pretty regular, but he likes to dress in drag. Their setup: once a month, he dresses in women’s
clothes and they go out and enjoy themselves as two women. She went on to say that apart from
this one eccentricity, he is an otherwise great husband, father and lover.
This makes me wonder what the world would be if couples are as understanding and honest as they
were. Maybe then the letter sender from the Daily Star wouldn’t have been left so embittered.
Under the Sexual Offences Act, voyeurism is now a crime.
In which case, the police had better get the prison ships ready to intern a sizeable portion of the population. To judge by the latest carry-on about the Beckhams’ marital secrets, we are becoming a nation of prurient voyeurs. Never mind three in a marriage, there appear to be several million in theirs.
Here’s a link about sex secrets and honesty.
